Faces

July 11, 2018

We live in a time when it is common, even expected, to be in the public eye all the time. On a recent trip to Shanghai, I noticed how many people were taking their selfies. I understand the need to capture a moment in an interesting place. However what  I noticed particularly was the amount of care taken in capturing those moments. People, mostly women, spent several seconds, sometimes up to even ten seconds, arranging their faces before clicking that button. The lips pouted just so, the eyes opened wide, faces slightly lifted or turned to the side or lowered depending on what they thought their best viewing angle was, and a bright smile to show how happy they were to be there. Followed by a quick bounce back to the same expression that was on their face before they started arranging it for the selfie. In observing them, I felt myself to be intruding their private moments. It was a glimpse of who they were, how important it was for them to look good, to show where they were and what they wanted people who saw their pictures to think. Yet here they were, comfortably and publicly packaging themselves to advertise their fascinating lives to their ‘followers.’ There was not much separation between private and public faces in those moments.

There is however a big separation between professional and public faces when there is no selfie at stake. On this trip I have seen the work faces of people around me. They are pleasant, friendly and hardworking. They hold the door open for you. They say hello and “No thank you” when you say Thank you. It is nice and almost endearing. Yesterday I saw the public  or out-of-the-office faces of people. We took the ferry and went to the island of Gulangyu near Xiamen. It was the mad Olympics at the ferry terminal – the running, the pushing, the shoving, the cutting the line. People were running to get on the ferry (ok I buy that.. you want a good seat) and to get off the ferry (why? The island is not going anywhere. And neither is the boat until everyone who wants to get off is gone.) Then I caught the expression on the face of the guy who made it out first. It was a victorious expression. He wanted to be the first to do what everyone else was still trying to do.

Vanity and ego are luxuries we afford ourselves when times are good. When we are steeped in sadness it is hard to get excited about a selfie or being first. It is hard to even get a picture taken. I hate to take pictures of myself without Zubin. I am afraid that his pictures will get buried lower and lower under all these new pictures. So everyday I go back and take screenshots of his old pictures so that he would continue to show up in my Photo feed. Will I resort to photoshop-ing him in my pictures one day? I don’t know. All I know is that his face is no longer in the photos I have been taking, and I couldn’t care less if mine looks good in them.